


Have You Kissed Him Yet?

by orphan_account



Series: Stabdads Drabbles [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, Stabdads AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-17
Updated: 2011-10-17
Packaged: 2017-10-24 17:05:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/265849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spades Slick wants to know how far Karkat has gone with his little lisping boyfriend. Apparently it's not far enough.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Have You Kissed Him Yet?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MalcolmTucker](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MalcolmTucker/gifts).



“Dad, I’m going to go out to meet Sollux!”

Great, the kid is screaming again.

“Where?” you scream back.

“The movies!”

“Gonna fuck afterwards?”

Karkat appears in your doorway, making a face. “Dad. Ew. Just. Ew.”

“Are you going to see a horror movie?”

“It’s a romcom,” he retorts.

“That’s what I thought. Kid, do you even know what hardboiled means?”

“I am hardboiled,” he snaps. “So fuckin’ hardboiled that you can pop me out of the water, peel me and eat me in one bite. You can’t even comprehend how hardboiled I am.”

You roll your eyes. He is still talking. It’s displays like this that make you despair for the kid. And Christ, he does it all. The. Time.

“...and I am going to enjoy my _incredibly_ hardboiled movie with my _insanely_ hardboiled boyfriend and there is nothing you can do about it!”

You wait a few seconds, but he appears to have stopped.

“You done?” you ask.

“Uuuuugh, fuck you,” Karkat snarls. “I’m leaving.” He spins on one foot and walks out of the kitchen.

“Hey,” you yell. He stops but doesn’t turn. “You kissed him yet?”

“That’s none of your business,” comes the short, sharp response.

“It’s actually a lot of my business. Since you’re my kid, and he’s the kid of a colleague. Come on, cough it up.”

“I’m not some hapless victim you can torture into submission,” he says flatly. “I grew up with you, remember? I’m used to that bullshit.”

“Kid,” you say, painfully, “I am trying to be a good dad. Would you please humour me here.”

“A good dad, that’s a new one.”

“You think this is easy for me? Think again, little brat!”

“You think I trust you? Think again, fucking Dad!”

“As if cursing at me is going to make any fucking difference-”

“You don’t pay any attention to me anyway-”

“-you don’t understand, I go through a lot of shit just for this roof above your head-”

“-why should you care about my boyfriend-”

“-all I’m trying to do is raise you not stupid-”

“-you don’t even care about me-”

“-and I’m so sorry to be providing a house and food and clothes and school and all that bullshit for you-”

“-you’re part of the fucking Mafia for fuck’s sake-”

“-why should it matter how I get my money, in the end it’s all for you, believe it or not I do actually care about you a little bit-”

“-fuck, okay, no, I haven’t kissed him!” Karkat yells, and you stop short. His face is bright red.

“Well,” you say finally. “You better.”

Karkat lets out a sigh. “That’s not how it works, Dad. You can’t just kiss someone. You have to wait for the right moment, and make sure they actually like you like that, so that you don’t make a total ass out of yourself.”

“What, like I’ve never kissed someone?”

“Yeah!”

“Snowman is pretty much my go-to for kissing. And for sex. Yeah, she’s pretty good a-”

“Okay, okay, too much information, fuck, Dad.”

“Sorry, kid.” You stare at hmi. “Have you ever kissed someone?”

“No! No I have not!”

“Okay,” you say. “Today you’re gonna go kiss your skinny little dipshit of a boyfriend.”

“Wh-no-I can’t just-fuck, Dad,” Karkat moans. His face is so red you almost laugh at him. But that would be stupid.

“You’ve been dating three months! Kiss the asshole.” You return to your Terrier Fancy.

He’s probably still standing there, mouth gaping like a fucking fish.

“Wow,” comes his voice finally. “Fuck, okay, bye Dad.”

The door slams shut behind him and you really hope he’s gonna kiss that kid.

Wait. Since when have you let things be up to Karkat?

**Author's Note:**

> Wow oops my Spades Slick characterisation is crap haha
> 
> I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS JORDAN.


End file.
